Personal – Page 20 – Walking Contradiction

Privilege

I’m privileged. I’m a straight white male. The only possible source of discrimination I face is when people know I’m an atheist, but they only know that if I choose to reveal it to them. So I have it pretty cushy, which is why I think that essays like this one are so important.

Those of us who don’t face discrimination daily can’t possibly understand what it is like to have to deal not only with the overt stuff, but the insidious and subtle hurdles that are constantly thrown in the path of those who weren’t born straight, white, or male. Fortunately there are writers such as Tressie McMillan Cottom who are able to convey some of the reality that they are faced with in their lives, and as a result can open our eyes so that we may understand our fellow human beings better. Read The Logic of Stupid Poor People, and I guarantee that you will see things a little differently.

My First Century

A few weeks ago I told several friends and colleagues that I would be participating in a cycling event to raise money to help fight Multiple Sclerosis. The ride entailed a 70-mile route on the first day, with an option for an additional 30-mile loop to make it a full century. It started in San Antonio, and ended in nearby New Braunfels. The following day would be a 58-mile return ride back to San Antonio.

I committed to doing the full distance, and asked the members of an online community I host to help by donating to this cause. And as usual, this great community responded generously, raising a total of $525! I want to extend my personal thanks to everyone who donated in my name – without your support I couldn’t have done this.

The weather threatened to be ugly on Saturday, and as a result the number of people who showed up for the Rackspace team wasn’t as high as we had planned, but those of us who did show up had a great time! (I’m the 4th from the right)

The ride on Saturday started off well, with a threat of rain giving way to bright sun, and temperatures around 90F/32C. I did manage to complete the full century, but I can’t say the same for my phone’s battery, which died just before the 88th mile. Here is the record of my progress, using the awesome free app RunKeeper: http://runkeeper.com/user/edleafe/activity/256143755

The extra 30-mile loop for the century started at about mile 69, with the farthest point out at mile 84. Those 15 miles were killer: lots of up-and-down, as we followed the road along the Guadalupe river. This first half was going upstream, and that meant a net climb of 150 feet. If I had started out here, no problem, but at this point in the day my reserve of energy was seriously depleted. When I finally reached the end of that segment I don’t think that I was ever so happy to see a rest stop as I was then! I rested up for a bit, drank a ton of liquids, ate some food, and then started on the return leg. It was definitely easier, but by then I was running on fumes, and every slight upgrade was a challenge. I had to accept the fact that I couldn’t climb hills at this point in the ride as aggressively as I had earlier, and had to instead simply pedal as best as my legs could manage. The few extra minutes taken by slowing down were not as important as continuing to make progress, and eventually that paid off. I made it to the finish line, got a big hug from my woman, found the RV that Rackspace rented for the event, and then settled into the air-conditioned bliss in a comfy couch with a cold beer. Ahhh…

A generous Racker who has a big house nearby was our host for the evening, feeding us, supplying more beer, and letting us sleep there overnight. They also had a pair of masseuses there to help soothe our aching muscles, and man, did I need that! It was a relaxing way to end a long day.

The following morning, the plan was to feed us and then take us back to the starting point for the return leg of the ride, but Mother Nature had other ideas. This was what we were greeted with:

That’s just a close-up; there were several lines of storm clouds behind that moving in from the north. With severe lightning, heavy rains, and the threat of spot flooding, the event organizers made the decision to cancel the second day of the ride. Oddly enough, I was very disappointed – you’d think that the morning after completing my first century the last thing I would want to do is ride another 58 miles, but I guess I had psyched myself up for the full two-day experience that it was a let-down not to be able to do the full ride. We ended up packing our bikes and gear into one of our trucks, and drove back to San Antonio.

It was a great experience overall on many levels, even with the pain and exhaustion of those final 30 hilly miles. Most importantly, though, was the satisfaction of reaching a goal I had set for myself a year earlier. Now that I’ve done a century, though, I think if I ride in next year’s event, I might just be content with the 70 mile route!

All This for Nothing

Looking forward to a new episode of Breaking Bad tonight. Last night I re-watched the previous episode, and while it was superb from start to finish, one line struck me the most: Walt was lying on the bathroom floor, insisting that Skyler never give up the money, and says “Please don’t let me have done all this for nothing“. It was clear then that once he realized the end was near, he came back to his original motivation for entering the meth underworld: to provide for his family after his death. As despicable as Walt’s actions have been, you could at least understand how he rationalized the brutality of his reign as Heisenberg. As long as he knows that his family is taken care of, he can face his upcoming mortality.

Contrast that with Jesse’s melancholy: he did all this for the money, period. He did it to get rich, and now that he is, he realizes the cost to his own sanity to have left such a trail of bloodshed was too much. That’s why he gave away his money: maybe by enriching someone else’s life he might feel that his actions have brought some good to the world instead of just death and suffering.

Bastrop Revisited

Bastrop, TX is a city about an hour or so away from Austin. It is also largely synonymous with the most destructive wildfire in Texas history, which began in September, 2011.

Last weekend I drove up to PyTexas, which was held at Texas A&M University, and my route led me through the Bastrop area. Nearly two years later the effect of the fire is still very striking: you’re driving along, passing through typical countryside areas, and then – black, burnt trees for miles. There is new vegetation springing up around these dead trees, but it just seemed to emphasize the destruction even more.

Bastrop one year after the wildfires — Bastrop State Park, one year after it was ravaged by wildfires.

On my way home from the conference I pulled off the road as I passed through the area again, and took a few photos in this one small section of the devastation. I’ve posted them in an album on Amazon Photos. They don’t really do justice to the feeling you get driving through miles and miles of similar scenery, but they show the damage that was done, and how little things have recovered in two years.

Vacation, and Catching Up

I had a few days between PyCon Canada and PyTexas, so I took my first vacation days in a long time to drive down to Rochester, NY, and visit my family and friends. For those who don’t know my history, I lived in the Rochester area for 15 years before moving to San Antonio a little more than 2 years ago, and since then I haven’t been back. That means that I hadn’t seen any of my friends since then, and, what was even stranger, I hadn’t seen my older son Mike in that time, either. Sure, we talked on the phone and video chatted from time to time, but it is really odd to think that it had been over two years since I had been in the same room as this person who dominated my life for so many years. I guess that’s the difference between having children and having adult offspring.

With such a short visit it was hard to consider it a proper “vacation”, but it was really refreshing to my soul to re-establish contact with some of the people who have played a significant role in my life. And it was fun to see Rocco, my puppy of many years!